starwarsmushfandomcom-20200214-history
RPlog:Morning Confessions
A RolePlay Log by Ti'ilandria Date October, 2009 Setting Roe Lanciu's Apartment Appearing Ti'ilandria Roe Lanciu Read More Logs at Roleplay Logs :'' Awakened by yet another nightmare, Ti'Ilandria is left defenceless and weak. Roe comforts the younger woman, and eventually gets some of the truth out.'' Morning in Coruscant. Muted sunlight slants in through the tinted window high on the wall, landing on the bedcovers. It's nicely sized, but divided to dicourage entry through it. The room's bed is a double, probably a concession to an earlier tenant. Beside it sits a round waste receptacle, sturdy and utilitarian, and beside that is a modest bedside table, made for durability. A dresser built along similar lines rests against one wall. The walk-in closet doors are shut, and a battered surplus Imperial-issue footlocker sits at the foot of the bed. The apartment is quiet, save for the muted hum of the climate control systems. It's possible nobody's up yet, whenever /yet/ is, as the tinted windows allow in little of the sunlight's color. It has been a fretful night for Ti'Ilandria, despite being unconscious through it all - tossing and turning, and the occasional moan. It is then sudden that a start and a scream takes Ti'Ilandria, the woman sitting upright with a jolt. Pale, drenched in a cold sweat, Ti'Ilandria doesn't even bother to look around at where she is. Instead she draws her knees up to her chest and covers her face with her hands. No sound of sobbing is heard, instead they are more strangled sounds coming from the woman, who is choking back the desire to cry. Beyond the door, there's a sound of someone moving. A second later it opens, revealing Roe. Clad in pajamas and with her hair braided up carefully for the night, the doctor looks tired and concerned, the one making the other worse. "Ti?" she asks softly, hurrying on bare feet up to the bedside and seating herself, laying a hand on the brunette's shoulder. A shudder runs through Ti'Ilandria just before Roe puts her hand on the woman's shoulder. For a long, quiet moment, Ti'Ilandria is silent, hiding from the world, as it were. Finally her hands lower from her face, but only to wrap around the woman's legs as she sighs. Still pale, still slicked with a sheen of cold sweat, the woman lifts her head and stares almost vacantly directly in front of her. "I hate nightmares." Roe just draws Ti into a hug despite the sweat, warm and comforting as she can make it. "I'm here, Ti," she whispers. The woman's jaw moves, but Ti'Ilandria, in the end, makes not sound, choking back whatever thought tried to worm it's way out. Instead she leans into the hug with a deep sigh, closing her eyes. Like a little child, she tries to loose herself in the comforting embrace, fighting back the dreadful memories of whatever nightmare plagued her dreams the evening before. Roe, for her part, just hugs her friend close, offering what comfort she can. "Want to talk about it?" she whispers after a long silence, stroking Ti's hair soothingly. At the question, Ti'Ilandria gets rigid, turning her head away from Roe, as if embarrassed about having such a foolish thing as a nightmare and acting like a child. "It's just the usual. Everyone turning their backs on me and walking or fading away. Been having it for years, the faces just change," she murmurs with a roll of her shoulders, trying to be 'brave' as it were. "No matter how much I scream and beg they just leave." Roe runs a hand down Ti's back, trying to soothe her, when she feels that stiffening of the tech's body. "I'm still here," she whispers. "And I won't leave. You won't see my face there, not in truth." "But I do. I do. My family are all gone. Raxis..." chokes Ti'Ilandria, before pushing past it. Luke, Jessalyn ... Lance. You were starting to turn away, too." Hands rise, gripping her hair tightly as the young woman attempts to fight back tears, curling further on herself. "It just doesn't stop." Roe blinks and clasps Ti's shoulders firmly, to stop her from trying to just curl in on herself. "But have I?" she asks sensibly, if softly. She smiles faintly. "I split a good pair of pants getting you out of that cantina last night when you couldn't walk on your own. Does a turncoat make such sacrifices?" "You're not a turncoat, Roe," mumbles Ti'Ilandria as she is pulled back, pliable in the woman's hands. "You're a doctor, a medic, whatever. Even when working for the Empire, you saved lives, tried to make a difference. You're not a turncoat." A deep sigh lifts then drops Ti'Ilandria's shoulders. "I'll pay for your pants. I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again." In other words, she'll just get drunk when Roe isn't looking. "It's no big deal. I need to go shopping anyway," Roe replies, with a cavalier wave of her hand. "You're more important to me than clothes, Ti. That's why I'm so worried about you now." She tries to look her friend in the eye. Hazel eyes unconsciously dart away from Roe, thought the woman nods. "Thanks," Ti'Ilandria manages to muster, before running a hand through her hair. "I should shower, report back from Tatooine and get to work. I take too much vacation time," she notes softly, trying to change the subject. "And there's the Manaan swoop races coming up, I'll need time off for that, too." Roe shakes her head gently. "Ti, you can't just keep dodging this, or it's going to chase you around forever." She draws Ti into that hug again. "I want to help you, but I have no idea what to do, other than just let you stay here for a while where I can keep an eye on you, and maybe help you with those nightmares. It must be hell waking up alone with one." "I don't know what to do, either, Roe," Ti'Ilandria lets out after a long silence. "What did I do wrong? Why did everyone abandon me? No one cared enough to even send me a message. I was just forgotten. What did I do? And that wasn't the first time." Ti'Ilandria sighs. "They didn't even notice when I disappeared the week before the wedding. It was Mella and her friends that rescued me from Zorbo. I forgave them for that. But ... it happened again. What did I do? Why does it hurt so much?" Roe listens, thinking. "We were at war, Ti. Maybe they got pulled in for other things by Command," she replies, her voice still low, holding Ti close. "I don't know what happened, but I do know how it hurts to be abandoned. To be despised no matter what you do, how many lives you save. To know that whatever you do, it'll never be enough." Roe breath catches, but she silences herself for a moment, then goes on. "I won't abandon you, Ti. Please, take some comfort in that. It's all I can offer." "Four weeks, Roe. The battle was over," she starts to protest, but her voice chokes up with tears and Ti'Ilandria has to growl to fight them back. After a moment, trying to regain something close to composure, Ti'Ilandria nods with a sigh. "You're here," she finally acquiesces. "Maybe you should talk to them," Roe says after a moment, blushing. She obviously wasn't that up on current events herself. "And thank you. I'm sorry if I'm being pushy, but Ti, you need help." Suddenly, Ti'Ilandria is shaking her head furiously. "No. No talking. Not ready," she offers, ducking her head again, remembering the venomous way she attacked Jessalyn just the day before. "Can't do that to them," she feels the need to clarify. Sighing deeply, Ti'Ilandria finally breaks down in tears. "Everything is gone, and it's all my fault. It's all my fault." "Oh, Ti..." Roe hugs the woman tight, drawing her into her shoulder. "Give it time, then. But don't wait too long, or you'll never do it. It gets easier and easier to avoid them, the longer you wait." Leaning heavily against Roe, Ti'Ilandria cannot stop crying now that she has started. And she does try. Turning to cling to the other woman rather than her own knees, Ti'Ilandria sobs. "I can't talk to them now... I can't. I'll just hurt /them/ like they hurt me. It's useless. Roe... what is wrong with me?" Roe just holds her friend close. "Maybe you should try," she whispers. "You're not a monster, Ti. You've been hurt. Maybe they don't realize they were being thoughtless. They have lives of their own, too, and it's easy to get wrapped up in your own problems." She rubs Ti's back. "Maybe they just need a bit of understanding. Like you did." Still leaning against Roe, Ti'Ilandria shakes her head with a deep, racking sigh. "I'm just an idiot. I just need to leave everyone alone," she murmurs between her tears. She doesn't pull away, however, instead she continues to cling to Roe and the comfort it brings. Roe just keeps hugging. "Ti... that won't help. That'll just make things worse." She sighs softly. "I've got to be at work in three hours. But you take your shower, I'll get some food ready, and we can talk while we eat. Okay?"